Valentine's Day: An Experienced Girl's View

So Valentine's Day is tomorrow.

Yep.

(staring off into space)

Oh, you wanted more than that? Ok then....

Once upon a time, I was deep into this day. I planned, I bought things, I put in the work, I tapped into that gooey center beneath my somewhat hard outer shell and got deep into the day devoted to love. Then... well... stuff happened..... and lets just say over the course of many years, it just became another day on the calendar.

Don't get me wrong, that gooey center is still there, and it always will be. It's reason why I cherished (and still have) every Valentine my baby girl every made (or bought) for me. It's the reason that I tell, and show, the people in my life that I love them and that they matter to me, all the time. It''s the reason I don't throw people away, and make a point to spend time with them.

But let's be real - Valentine's Day is really about couples. And I haven't been a part of that in a while.

Those close to me know (and now you will too) that I chose to go off the dating grid for about 5-6 years. Let's just say that some needed introspection needed to be done and changes implemented. But I've been resurfacing slowly over the last few years, with a different set of eyes and perspective. So I've spent some time as an observer of couples and relationships, especially around this time of year. Interestingly enough, I've found that a significant amount of couples don't do ANYthing on February 14th.

Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zip.

"Not even a card?" I've asked. Nope. "How about just a pizza, some wine, and renting a movie?" I've asked. Nah. One guy actually said "We've been married for 26 year; we don't do that stuff."

Wow. So this guy's gestures of love have an expiration date, it seems. My sympathies to his wife. But all in all, I find this stance kinda..... weird, really. Is this representative of a culture that takes being in a relationship for granted? That would certainly be a shame, for so many reasons, if that's the case. Or is it more of a reflection of the pressure of the day to do something grand? If so, guys - as a woman, I can tell you that it doesn't take much. Or at least, it shouldn't.

The best Valentine's Day I ever had was in 2003. It had been a few months since I'd broken up with the boyfriend at the time, and was planning on just hunkering down and ignoring the day. I was sitting at my cubicle at work, when suddenly my dear friend Louie appeared, standing there with his big happy smile.... and a single red rose.

I said "Oh my gosh, what's this?" He said "Kathy (his wife and my best friend) and I just wanted you to know that we love you." I hugged and thanked him, and happily took my rose. I think I smiled the rest of the day.

It was unexpected. It was simple. It was just simply, love.

I still have that rose. I dried it, treated it with a protective spray, and it sits under a picture of Louie. You see, he died suddenly, 6 years later. He took with him his awesome laugh, his generous nature, his musical genius, a piece of his wife's heart (all of our hearts, really), and any future unexpected and thoughtful gestures of love.

So from my view point of experiences, what I want to say to you, and to those couples who put expiration dates on displays of love and affection, who dismiss the day altogether, or who just forget to show their love, don't take a single day for granted. Tomorrow isn't promised. Don't ignore, don't hesitate. Make an effort, no matter how small, on Valentine's Day and every day to let them know they matter.

Happy Valentine's Day! I love you. (See? Gooey center ;-) )

Shiprocked 2014: Joining a Tribe

Some tell tale signs that you've been on Shiprocked 2014:

1. You're standing in your living room wondering when the gig is gonna start.
2. Every time you enter your kitchen or dining room, a little female Asian voice in your head goes, "Washy washy! Happy happy!"
3. Jacoby Shaddix/Ivan Moody/Jonny Hetherington isn't around every corner. And that just feels weird.
4. Now that you're on land, your dietary intake is less alcohol, more food. And that just feels weird too.
5. You're still wearing your "backstage pass" and trying to open your front door with your key card.

I've experienced all these things, and more, once I left the beautiful Norwegian Pearl and one of the best experiences behind me. Since then I've been telling everyone who asks, or will listen, that this was the best vacation I've EVER had.

When I stepped into the bar at the Marriott Biscayne Bay in Miami for the Shiprocked pre-party, I was among MY people. If you know me, and most of you do, you know what I'm talking about - the tattooed, the pierced, the black band tshirt wearing, the long haired/mowhawked/wildly dyed coiffed, slutty heeled, cleavage bearing, head banging community that I call home.

Then the next morning, all us freaks boarded a boat.

I just knew this was going to be one hell of a trip when, only on board for 5 minutes, I ran into Jacoby Shaddix, the singer for Papa Roach, just hanging out at the bar. After greeting him with a "Hey baby!" and asking friends to take our picture, I'm pretty sure I jumped up and down going "OMG HOLY SHIT!" But in a very cool and sexy way. Shut up.

Then came the music.

Holy shit, the MUSIC!

Live music has been like a drug to my veins since I was about 5 and my uncle had a live band play his wedding. But this? THIS? This was like getting laid, waking up to a pony on Christmas morning, and winning Mega Millions all at once! Total next level shit.

And so it began....

Four solid days of amazing, mind blowing performances, discovering new bands, meeting great people (James & Jeannie, Paul & Bretta, and yes even you Shady - I'm talkin' to you!), meeting rock stars (all of whom were approachable, friendly, and gracious) who were just passengers just like you and who were enjoying the other bands just like you; taking in the sun, sand, blue waters of Great Stirrup Cay and even more live music on the beach stage, and not thinking about one damn stressful thing. Just letting all of that go in the pit, in the balcony, on the floor, or on the rails as the music and the energy of your tribe wash over you.

There's nothing like that feeling of getting lost in the sound, the flow of give and take between artist and audience, and becoming part of the whole thing. Nothing. It's my therapy, my pressure valve, the thing that reaches in to kill all the stress, and keep me sane.

Part of the whole experience for me is the people... the like-minded, same-spirited people who are connected to you by this particular brand of music. Hard rock and heavy metal has a notoriously and fiercely loyal fan base, and we know it. We connect on that level nearly upon sight, but it's something we can feel in each other. It's something I feel at every show I go to. But on board Shiprocked it was multiplied by 3000. For those four days, I don't think I ever laughed, smiled, or felt so uplifted and free of the day to day shit ever in my life!!

So here's to you Shiprocked 2014, all of the incredible bands who kicked my ass, and my fellow headbanging beautiful freaks - thank you for the adrenaline rush, the slight alcohol problem (lol), and the amazing memories! I've pre-booked for next year, so lets do this! First round is on me, fuckers!! \M/