So I came down with some nasty ass bug Monday night. Your basic sinus nightmare complete with a low grade fever and lots of snot. Tuesday night I was semi-comatose on the sofa, too dazed and drained to do much else other than mindlessly watch tv. In fact, I reached a place where I was just too tired and out of it to even change the channel.
And then it happened.
And by "it" I mean the barrage of what can only be desscribed as white trash for the new decade. Suddendly an outpouring of big hair, fake tans, steriod created muscles, acrylic nails, hair gel, gold chains, over use of the word "bitch", and more Ed Hardy tshirts than you could ever want or wear spilled out of my tv, onto my floor, and assaulted my ears and eyes.
I'd been Jersey Shored.
I couldn't believe it. I'd heard about it of course; the inexpicable phenom that the show and cast have become, being famous for being tacky stereotypes of New York/New Jersey Italians. I'd just never experienced it. I felt like I was witnessing a train wreck, or a mugging, or a dog playing poker - I was freaked out but just couldn't look away.
Fortunately my daughter came in to the room. She looked at the tv, looked at me, then back at the tv, then back at me. A smile crept over her face, clearly bemused at this scenario. I turned to her and said, "Please, for the love of God, change this channel." And mercifully, she did.
I'm still nursing some syptoms of my illness. I blame Jersey Shore. I think being exposed to so much skank and douche prolonged my recovery.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
The 2010 Wrap Up
Another year is gone and another begins, my friends. I think it's time for me to count my blessings, reflect on lessons learned, share my experiences, report my observations (in no particular order). Hey, it's my blog - I can write what I want.
A Not So Average Wedding: This year I experienced my first wedding held in a bar, and officiated by a drummer. Some might say that's weird, but I say - when it comes to weddings, to each his own. Personally, I found this one to be particularly fun. What I experienced was two people who are genuinely in love, sharing this important event in their lives with the people most important to them, in a cool rock and roll way. We should all be so lucky.
Are the Aliens Leaving? - Well, probably not entirely for about another 8 yrs or so, but this year found The Teenager actually turning into a real person. She began making some sense, listening to me, returning affection, and generally not being a massive moody asshole. So for all you parents with young kids, or kids entering the fresh hell that is puberty, know this - it's temporary. The Teenager an I are kinda diggin' each other these days.
Fun With Compulsive Liars - The best part about these special freaks of psychological nature, aside from the fact that they keep my fact-checking skills sharp, is that generally you can mock them right to their faces. Really, you can. Something about their pathology doesn't give them that switch that says "Hey, he/she is making fun of me." or "Hey, they're not buying my bullshit so maybe I should stop lying." It's great, try it. Mock away. It alleviates some stress of having to deal with them.
Ya Got To Have Friends - As many times before in this blog space, I give props to my steadfast group of besties. You bitches rock! And this past year brought a new one into my fold, and had me getting to know a couple of others better who were previously further removed. I tell, it's great to still be making new friends, rekindling old friendships, and continuing to enjoy the BFF's I've had for years.
Who Knew I'd Like a Compact Car? - You learned of the death of my Xterra in my last blog post, but what you might not know is that I found a car that's not a generic piece of blah. Yay me! The car gods brought me a black 2004 Toyota Corolla S, and here she is:
Cute, right? The night I bought her, I dubbed her The Rockin' 'Rolla. It really is a fun ride. It runs very well, handles very well, has that cool spoiler and under skirting, low mileage, an electric sunroof, very clean interior, very nice exterior, and the previous owner installed an XM satellite radio receiver. Best of all, the price was great! The RR is the perfect interim vehicle until I get the Camaro.
Speaking of Cars.... - So, I sold the Xterra to a young gear head chick who said that she's going to put a new engine in My Broom and give her a second life. I was happy about that; it was a good truck and should run again. Being that this was the first car I'd ever sold privately, I learned that there are two different kinds of titles - the title you get when you buy a car, which lists the lien holder information; and another when you pay the car off, which doesn't list the lien holder information. The latter is called the lien release title. I didn't realize that, but now I do. So there ya have it.
Private Citizen Slays Fraudulent Credit Card Company - Back in 2008 I opened a credit card with HSBC Bank. When I paid off the account that same year, I requested that it be closed. Once I did that, I never heard a peep out of them, as one would expect. Until around June of 2010. That's when I mysteriously started receiving bills from them for the same account I'd closed 2 years ago. Seems they reopened my account and were charging me various service charges (you know, that imaginary bullshit all credit card companies try to throw on your bill when they just get too tired of you making your payments on time and paying your balance down). Long story short, I learned that this bank is famous for this scam (I heart you, Google), so I sent them a letter telling them that they damn well better clear that balance and RE-close my account, or I'd be filing a complaint with the Maryland State's Attorney. Less than a week later, HSBC sent me a letter telling me I owed them nothing and my account was again closed. Suck it, HSBC!
High Efficiency Washers and Dryers Do Kinda Rock - My 25 year old dryer bit it this year so I went ahead and replaced it and the washer with the new HE front loaders. I really like 'em and recommend them. So, should your washer and/or dryer bite it in 2011, go treat yourself to the HE models. You'll like 'em. Oh, and just an FYI - I don't use the "made specially for HE washers" detergent. The Teenager is allergic so I have to use allergen free detergent, which isn't readily available for HE washers (unless I order it online from some crunchy hippie commune or some shit), so I just use less of the regular stuff, and employ the Extra Rise option. Works just fine.
I Can Spackle! - When the washer was removed this summer, the guy gouged out a chunk of my family room wall. For some dumb reason I went into Helpless Girl Mode and waited for any number of guy friends to make time to spackle it in. Finally, I thought "This can't be all that hard. Fuck it, I'm doing it myself." And off to Home Depot I went and got a tiny tub of spackle, a knife, and a fine grit sandpaper sponge thingy. It's all filled in and lovely now.
Ms. Pannell You've Got A Lovely Daughter - The Teenager started dating her first real boyfriend in 2010. And by real, I mean he's a senior and has a car. This has been an experience for me, as it's brought about a whole new set of worries and concerns. The Teenager is smart and pretty clear on where she stands on a lot of things, and I trust her, but I was a teenager once too. Enough said. Now, pass me the wine.
There's a lot more to my 2010, of course. And really, all of it was good, even the stressful and aggravating stuff because you learn from that. I continue to remain grateful and appreciative of my friends, my great kid, my career, my home, my health, and my sanity. I will continue to look for the lesson, the "Ah ha" moment in all my experiences in 2011, and hope that you do as well.
A Not So Average Wedding: This year I experienced my first wedding held in a bar, and officiated by a drummer. Some might say that's weird, but I say - when it comes to weddings, to each his own. Personally, I found this one to be particularly fun. What I experienced was two people who are genuinely in love, sharing this important event in their lives with the people most important to them, in a cool rock and roll way. We should all be so lucky.
Are the Aliens Leaving? - Well, probably not entirely for about another 8 yrs or so, but this year found The Teenager actually turning into a real person. She began making some sense, listening to me, returning affection, and generally not being a massive moody asshole. So for all you parents with young kids, or kids entering the fresh hell that is puberty, know this - it's temporary. The Teenager an I are kinda diggin' each other these days.
Fun With Compulsive Liars - The best part about these special freaks of psychological nature, aside from the fact that they keep my fact-checking skills sharp, is that generally you can mock them right to their faces. Really, you can. Something about their pathology doesn't give them that switch that says "Hey, he/she is making fun of me." or "Hey, they're not buying my bullshit so maybe I should stop lying." It's great, try it. Mock away. It alleviates some stress of having to deal with them.
Ya Got To Have Friends - As many times before in this blog space, I give props to my steadfast group of besties. You bitches rock! And this past year brought a new one into my fold, and had me getting to know a couple of others better who were previously further removed. I tell, it's great to still be making new friends, rekindling old friendships, and continuing to enjoy the BFF's I've had for years.
Who Knew I'd Like a Compact Car? - You learned of the death of my Xterra in my last blog post, but what you might not know is that I found a car that's not a generic piece of blah. Yay me! The car gods brought me a black 2004 Toyota Corolla S, and here she is:
Cute, right? The night I bought her, I dubbed her The Rockin' 'Rolla. It really is a fun ride. It runs very well, handles very well, has that cool spoiler and under skirting, low mileage, an electric sunroof, very clean interior, very nice exterior, and the previous owner installed an XM satellite radio receiver. Best of all, the price was great! The RR is the perfect interim vehicle until I get the Camaro.
Speaking of Cars.... - So, I sold the Xterra to a young gear head chick who said that she's going to put a new engine in My Broom and give her a second life. I was happy about that; it was a good truck and should run again. Being that this was the first car I'd ever sold privately, I learned that there are two different kinds of titles - the title you get when you buy a car, which lists the lien holder information; and another when you pay the car off, which doesn't list the lien holder information. The latter is called the lien release title. I didn't realize that, but now I do. So there ya have it.
Private Citizen Slays Fraudulent Credit Card Company - Back in 2008 I opened a credit card with HSBC Bank. When I paid off the account that same year, I requested that it be closed. Once I did that, I never heard a peep out of them, as one would expect. Until around June of 2010. That's when I mysteriously started receiving bills from them for the same account I'd closed 2 years ago. Seems they reopened my account and were charging me various service charges (you know, that imaginary bullshit all credit card companies try to throw on your bill when they just get too tired of you making your payments on time and paying your balance down). Long story short, I learned that this bank is famous for this scam (I heart you, Google), so I sent them a letter telling them that they damn well better clear that balance and RE-close my account, or I'd be filing a complaint with the Maryland State's Attorney. Less than a week later, HSBC sent me a letter telling me I owed them nothing and my account was again closed. Suck it, HSBC!
High Efficiency Washers and Dryers Do Kinda Rock - My 25 year old dryer bit it this year so I went ahead and replaced it and the washer with the new HE front loaders. I really like 'em and recommend them. So, should your washer and/or dryer bite it in 2011, go treat yourself to the HE models. You'll like 'em. Oh, and just an FYI - I don't use the "made specially for HE washers" detergent. The Teenager is allergic so I have to use allergen free detergent, which isn't readily available for HE washers (unless I order it online from some crunchy hippie commune or some shit), so I just use less of the regular stuff, and employ the Extra Rise option. Works just fine.
I Can Spackle! - When the washer was removed this summer, the guy gouged out a chunk of my family room wall. For some dumb reason I went into Helpless Girl Mode and waited for any number of guy friends to make time to spackle it in. Finally, I thought "This can't be all that hard. Fuck it, I'm doing it myself." And off to Home Depot I went and got a tiny tub of spackle, a knife, and a fine grit sandpaper sponge thingy. It's all filled in and lovely now.
Ms. Pannell You've Got A Lovely Daughter - The Teenager started dating her first real boyfriend in 2010. And by real, I mean he's a senior and has a car. This has been an experience for me, as it's brought about a whole new set of worries and concerns. The Teenager is smart and pretty clear on where she stands on a lot of things, and I trust her, but I was a teenager once too. Enough said. Now, pass me the wine.
There's a lot more to my 2010, of course. And really, all of it was good, even the stressful and aggravating stuff because you learn from that. I continue to remain grateful and appreciative of my friends, my great kid, my career, my home, my health, and my sanity. I will continue to look for the lesson, the "Ah ha" moment in all my experiences in 2011, and hope that you do as well.
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