"I've always said a romance hero can be deeply flawed ... as long as he's willing to rush into a burning building to rescue a basket of kittens.
He might be a haughty Brit looking down his nose from the lofty edifice of his pride, like Mr. Darcy. He might be a brawny Scot so blinded by hatred for his enemy that he nearly misses the chance for love standing right in front of him. These days, he might even be a werewolf or a vampire, sparkly or not.
But the one thing he will never be is a serial cheater who repeatedly betrays the woman he claims to love."
Now I know I've already included the likes of Jesse James and Tiger Woods in a past blog post, and I am quite sick of them. But I think men like them - serial cheaters - should be mentioned again here, if for no other purpose than to educate us.
A long time ago (in a galaxy far, far away) I was married. In fact, I was married to one of my childhood best friends; a guy I'd known well and been close to since I was about 10 yrs old. Long story short, in adulthood he turned out to be a serial cheater. And unfortunately not too long ago I ended up being briefly involved with yet another serial cheater who I'd also know for several yrs prior and considered a close friend. Hm, I sense a pattern here.... but I digress.
Anyway, as a result of these experiences I think I'm fairly qualified to pass along a quick-n-dirty check list that might help YOU spot a serial cheater, or some other such jerk-o-path. Some are just good common sense, but if you've never been lied to in a romantic relationship, or find yourself crowned the The Queen of Denial, you might miss them or brush them off. Let's begin:
1. A response of a vacant "What?" to your questions that might be hitting to close to uncovering a lie (might sometimes accompanied with a blank stare) is one of my personal favorites. This is a stall tactic both my serial cheaters used. It gives them time to think of an answer while you're repeating the question.
2. When actions and words don't match, this is a dead give away that some one is lying, even when they appear good at lying. Once again, both my cheaters are guilty of this. Is there a handbook for them out there that I'm not aware of?
3. Turning red, sweating, not making direct eye contact, etc. when asked certain things or being confronted, even in the smallest way. That's probably Caught In A Lie 101, but it's worth mentioning because us girls know what we want to hear. News flash - so do they.
4. Excessive amounts of time spent texting or online, or doing so at unusual times. As a subtext to that, I'd throw in withholding cell phone unlock codes and email/account login credentials.
5. Picking up new habits, catch phrases, adopting new beliefs or viewpoints, sudden interest in a new tv show/band/hobby, changing their style of clothing, etc.. These are things we tend to do when we're trying to get some one to like us. If any of these things have nothing to do with you, you can bet that some one else has entered the picture.
6. The emergence of a new "friend" that he works with/plays softball with/met through so-and-so. Now, there's nothing wrong with making new friends, even those of the opposite sex, but if your man's new "friend" doesn't appear interested in meeting you and/or knowing you, there's likely more than friendship going on there.
7. Unaccounted for/unexplained time. This means unexplained lunch breaks (regardless of the shift he works), changes in their schedule (earlier or later than usual to and from work/the gym/sports practice, etc.). If unanswered, or late answered, calls and text messages are combined with this, and become a habit, start asking questions.
8. I know this seems obvious, but we women tend to hold the stupid belief that we will be the ones they'll be different for. Bullshit. Yes, I said bullshit. If a guy has a history of cheating on you, with you (yes I said with, as you could be the other woman being told a lot of lies), or in past relationships, that's a sure sign - a guy who lied in the past (or the present) to a wife or girlfriend will lie to you. About everything. About anything. Cheaters are liars. Cheaters have agendas.
9. And last but not least, trust your instincts. If something doesn't sound or feel right or make sense, follow where your instincts lead you. They will tell you when something is suspect. They have never once failed me.
Ok, maybe twice. ;-)
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