Oh Poor Pitiful You... Go Fuck Yourself!

Wah!! I'm Kate Gosselin and the only way I can support my 8 children is by being on tv, and spending loads of time away from them, and rubbing elbows with celebrities, and having high paid stylists do my hair/makeup/wadrobe, and whining about my supposed hard life on tv and in print (and getting paid to do so).

Kate - Go fuck yourself. I'm so entirely sick of you. You're polluting the single working mother pool in which I swim. You are a nurse; millions of women support their families in this way. Go sell your gazillion dollar home, cut coupons, and employ John to cover the kids when you're pulling a double shift. TV is not your only option for income; you simply wave that "I have 8 kids to feed!" flag in order to justify your narcissistic personality. Oh, and stay the hell off the cover of my People magazine, bitch.

Wah! I'm Tiger Woods and I felt that I was entitled to do whatever I want and hurt whomever I want because I'm the worlds best golfer, and my father robbed me of my childhood by making me golf in all my free time so I don't know how to act and then he died, and I make more money than God.

Tiger - Go fuck yourself. You didn't just cheat on your wife. You man-whored around on your wife with a really shameful amount of women. No, skanks; couldn't just choose some executive at a golf country club or a high ranking Nike employee, no. You chose every breast implanted, overly tanned, hair ententioned, gold digging, 15 minutes of fame seeking, questionably incomed skank you came in contact with. Ick. Then you used your affairs to make a Nike commercial. You're not a sex addict, you're a douche bag. I hope Elin takes you for every dime you have and wears a red dress to your funeral.

Wah! I'm Jesse James and I'm a hot tattooed bad ass, and I built a life and career out of building custom motorcycles most people can't afford, and it got me a tv show, and one of my ex-wives is a porn star, and I'm fighting for custody of my daughter.

Jesse - Go fuck yourself. You hit the motherload of women when you married Sandra Bullock and you blew it by cheating on her with the same heavily tattooed, web porn skanks you've been drawn to your whole life. Maybe you and Tiger should go have a beer and compare notes; my guess is there's some cross pollination there. You're not a sex addict either. You're a dumb little boy with an overblown sense of entitlement that overshadowed the fact that you finally landed a good woman who supported you and loved you. You should be a broken man, you dumb ass.

Bucket Lists

Today I read this article about MTV's show "The Buried Life" and got inspired.

For as long as I can remember, I've been a social being. I'm the kind of person who likes to go and do and see, and so I thought - why not write down some of the things I still want to experience and start making a concerted effort to do some of the things I still have left rattling around in my head!?! Now I'm personally not talking about things like sky diving or mountain climbing (both are scary, require some level of training, and the gear isn't cute), but hey, if you want to do those things, go for it! Bucket lists are to be just that - personal and gone for.

So, here are some things that I've always wanted to do, and did:

1. Get married (shouldda added "Don't pick an asshole" caveat to that)

2. Have a baby (the actual "having" wasn't nearly as bad as it was hyped up to be. thanks to modern drugs, and I still like the kid so that all worked out)

3. See Ozzy, Aerosmith, and KISS live (all excellent shows; who says old peeps can't rock?!)

4. Own my own home (have since 1991)

5. Make a 6 figure income (crossed that line in 2006, thank you very much)

6. Visit a Caribbean island and swim in tropical blue water (Tortolla in the BVI is stunning)

7. Meet a bonafide international rock star (Nikki Sixx in 2006 - WOO HOO!)


And here are some things I've always wanted to do, and haven't yet:


1. Marry/find a better man (or maybe just live in sin; currently working on both)

2. See Metallica and AC/DC live (gotta get my guy friends in on this one)

3. Visit Ireland ('tis me ancestral motherland, ye lads and lasses)

4. Buy a NEW Camaro (are they sexy as hell or what?!?! Loved 'em since I was a kid; I actually owned a "Glen Burnie Cadillac" from 1987-1994, but getting an infant in and out of its cavernous back seat was torture... good thing I still love the kid, cuz I loved that car)

5. Kiss whomever fills #1's bill, in the rain (I'm a girl, and I've never done that, so what can I say?)

6. Meet another bonafide international rock star (Jon Bon Jovi, I'm comin' for ya!)

7. Be in a situation that requires an outrageously expensive designer gown to be worn at a famous event (The Grammys, The Oscars, thank kind of thing)

8. Go out of town for a Ravens game (preferably Pittsburgh; if I'm gonna do it, I may as well head straight into enemy territory)

Maybe some things on my list seem tame to some, but who cares? It's MY list, meant to fulfill MY soul. And ok really, I think the path that will lead me to meeting JBJ just might be a tad exciting. :-)

So tell me...... what's on YOUR bucket list????