I've been enduring a rare bout of writers block lately, so I turned to Facebook to ask my friends for ideas for my next blog. In light of folks creating daily posts of what they're thankful for this month, a pal from high school suggested I draft a list of things I'm NOT thankful for.
Now, I really do have a lot to be thankful for. Especially this year. And I try to let God, the Universe, and the people in my life know every day that I appreciate every kindness, good fortune, blessing, and random cool thing that occurs in my life. But as we all know, you typically can't have a nice bowl of cornflakes without some one pissin' in 'em.
Therefore, in no particular order, are some things I'm UN-thankful for:
People of WalMart - not the website, because I don't care who you are, that shit is funny. Maybe the people IN WalMart is a better way to say that. The glorious collection of unwashed children, rude teenagers, dentally challenged adults, and various ill mannered freaks and miscreants that makes the task of buying toilet paper and trash bags something I have to steel myself for. God bless the camera phone, s'all I'm sayin'.
Traitors - lying, treacherous, dishonorable weasels who use their
security clearances and access to classified data and break every oath
they took in order to take that data and make it public. Then spinning up the public and the media by telling
outright lies about your importance and what you had the ability to do,
all under the misguided umbrella of "whistle blowing." I'm talking to
you, Edward Snowden. Go. Fuck. Yourself. You delusional, unpatriotic,
treasonous, disgusting piece of shit. How dare you. Stay out of my country. Forever.
Same to the people who think he's a hero. The real hero's are the
people collecting that information and protecting it, and along with it -
you.
BWI Trail Cyclists - See my last blog for details. Hate all those fuckers. If you're a BWI Trail cyclist and you're reading this? Yeah, still hate you.
Folks Who Can't Laugh At Themselves - I've been practicing yoga for almost 2 yrs now, and it's fantastic. But here's the thing about yoga: in a nutshell, it's a combination of various strenuous poses/stretches and meditation. Eventually you're going to either relax enough, or move enough, that you're gonna fart. It happens, and frankly I find farts hil-fucking-larious. Twice in the last month two different people let some real trumpet blasters loose. Damn funny shit, I'm tellin' ya! So, I laughed. Alone. Yep, because some folks are (ironically) tight asses, I ended up being the 6 yr old douche bag laughing at some ones embarrassment.Whatever.
Games - not the fun kind like Monoploly or Call of Duty, the shitty kind like lying or being passive/aggressive,. Please, be adult enough to own your feelings and decisions. And respect me enough to tell me, even if you think I won't like it or will be hurt by it. I would rather know the truth and know where we both stand, than make my next move based on a lie, or worse - no answer at all. Because then, the issue for me won't be your feelings or choices, it'll be your bullshit behavior.
Grumpy Cat Memes - Yeah, I'm so over those. But the James Hetfield ones are frickin' awesome!
The Baltimore Ravens - I just.... what the.... I don't.... how in the.... (sigh) M'eh.
So there you have it, things I won't be giving thanks for this Thanksgiving season. Does it sound negative? I guess it kinda does. But as some one recently said to me, you can't appreciate the good unless you go through the bad. Happy Thanksgiving!!
