What started off as a good idea has now possibly scarred me for life. That idea was to add some outdoor exercise to my regular exercise routine.
Sounds simple enough, doesn't it? And I'm not talking about something involving equipment like rollerblading or bicycling, or something that I should up my life insurance for like sky diving or jousting (What? People joust. Shut up.).
I'm talking about walking.
Yep, just walking.
My regular exercise routine has consisted of 3 visits to Curves a week since about April/May of 2006, barring any illness or out of town trips. It's been a good routine. I leave there sweating, my heart rate typically goes up to that which a gal much younger than me should be, and I've been able to maintain the same size pants and tops all these years while also adding muscle mass, strength, flattening my upper abs (although the lower abs continue to fight me, the bastards), and creating some decent upper arm muscles.
But because, like most women, I am vain and detest all that aging (and pregnancy) brings us physically, I wanted to take things a step further. Up the ante, if you will. See if I can shake off some of that bastardly lower ab flab and maybe, just maybe try to go down one little pants size. I thought, what can I do to take things up a notch, but yet not cost me any money?
I know! WALKING!
Why, I live right by the BWI trail! It's free, and I can enjoy my iPod and have some "me" time w/out the chatter of the gals at the Curves.
Here's the thing though, about taking your iPod outside alone while exercising - you can't hear when you drop things. Like car keys.
Last Sunday as I completed what I guess was a mile or so walk (Lindale Middle School to Allwood Dr. for you locals), I had a good sweaty wheeze going for the last few hundred feet to my car. As I approached I reached for my car keys, which had been tucked into the waistband of my gym shorts, only to find nothing. Nothing. They were gone. GONE! GONE!!!!
MOTHER FUCKING GONE!
GAAAAAAAAAAAH!
So, after cursing out loud I turned around to go back to look for them. I got about 20 yards and decided that if I had to walk this entire trail again I would surely die. Die, I tell you! Knowing that I had a spare set of car keys in my house, I wheezed back to my truck and called for help.
Karen lives the closest so I called her. In a matter of seconds, she agreed to help and would fetch me momentarily. After hanging up with her, I realized that she didn't have a key to my house. I did. But it was in my truck. Which is locked.
I canceled Karen and called Kathy. She said she still had a key to my side door and she and James were on their way. They picked me up, drove me to my house, and..... her key didn't fit either my side door or my front door.
WTF?!?!
Sidebar: When re-telling this story, my friend Elaine (who has a key to my house but was en route from Ocean City) suspects that I changed my locks after a falling out with another friend, because I didn't trust that that this former friend wouldn't invade my home (she has a long history of doing nasty things to people she dislikes), and neglected to update all the keys.
Anyway, after trying a few other options (all windows are locked because I'm security crazy, Stevie didn't have a car door jimmy, Dorothy didn't have a key to my house despite us having discussed it, and my AAA card was in my wallet which was in my purse which was in my truck which was locked), James said "We have to go back and find your keys."
Oh no. Did I mention to him that I might die?
I accepted this as my only option left. He dropped me off at the end of my path and he and Kathy started at the beginning, figuring one of us would stumble upon them somewhere in the middle. Long story short, James found my keys. His reward for his helpfulness and tenacity is drinks on me all night the next time we go out.
However, during the search I also ended up re-walking 2/3's of the trail. I was a hot, wheezing, sweaty mess by the time Kathy picked me up.
So yeah - fuck outdoor exercise. It's too hot and there are too many pitfalls. I'm going to stick to my nice air conditioned Curves. If I want some additional cardio, then I'll stick to walking a mall (i.e. go shopping) or having sex in my or some one else's climate controlled home.
