The Art of The Apology

In my 42 years of life, I've done some dumb things. Some hurtful things. Some thoughtless and careless things. Some things that were, admittedly, downright intentionally mean. What I hope I've learned in all these years, is how to apologize.

What I have absolutely learned in all these years, is that most people don't know how to apologize, and/or know what an apology is for.

There is a great website, The Perfect Apology, that teaches you how and why to apologize. It really breaks it down. So if you find that an unusual amount of people get pissed at you, or stop speaking to you, etc., you might want to check that site out. Cuz, um, it just might be YOU that's the issue.

Having had some of the most important people in my life refuse to apologize for anything, or do so but do it all wrong, I'm going to hit on several of my pet peeves and lessons learned about apologies:

- Apologize even if you think you haven't done anything wrong. Ignorance of your own behavior is not a Get Out Of I'm Sorry free card.

- Apologize even if you are right. You hurt/upset some one in conveying you're "rightness", which ultimately makes you wrong. Suck it up an apologize. It's more important to make it right, than it is to be right.

- Do not, under any circumstances, follow "I'm sorry" with "but". "But" voids the apology. And it makes people want to punch you.

- Do not, under any circumstances, say "I'm sorry if...". The "if" tells the injured party that you don't think you did anything wrong and are not holding yourself accountable. And it makes people want to punch you.

- Apologize in person whenever you can. It can be scary, but "man up." Seeing some ones face and hearing their voice is important when conveying emotions, especially regretful ones.

- Please, please DO NOT use an apology as a band aid, or just as a means to end/defuse conflict. MEAN IT. And work on not repeating the behavior in the furture.

There are a small handful of people who are no longer in my life because they don't understand any of this, and it made being around them a series of hurts. If only they could have done some introspection and learned some of these things, we'd still be in each others lives today.

So, go forth and learn before some fabulous person kicks you out of their life because you can't, or won't, apologize.

Snowmageddon

We're now on our SECOND round of snow in 6 days. First pummeling gave us up to 30" in some areas, and this one promises to be around 20". Fabulous. After the first day of being snowed in, I was done. I think it'd be different if I lived with at least one other adult, but I don't. Just me and the teenager. Good times, people. Good times.

However, all of this down time has given me time to observe and learn. And so... here's what I know now:

- No one is contracted to plow the last two streets leading to my work. Some one will owe me some new tires when this is over.

- The teenager can shovel snow pretty damn well!

- However, the teenager did have a cabin fever moment: she decided to add some paint to her walls sans parental permission or knowledge. She'll be re-painting later. Gggrrr.....

- If this weather crisis brought out the worst in you, you officially suck. Especially if you lofted your worst into some one else's best. God help you, and those around you, in a REAL crisis.

- A snowed out Super Bowl party leaves A LOT of food at Dorothy and George's. She makes damn good chili. Might be worth venturing out for.

- My cell phone will only hold about 180 txt messages before it starts to bitch at me to clean house.

- Getting/installing free sync software for your overloaded cell phone ain't as easy as you'd think.

- Elaine STILL loves the snow. My friend may be insane.

- If you don't use a gas fireplace for, say, I dunno, 10 yrs, spiders will make it their home.

- Robby will shovel me out if I let him put whipped cream on my naked boobs. Uh, yeah, no.

- Going to the liquor store in my pajamas didn't phase a single customer or employee of the liquor store.

- My deck hasn't cracked yet under about waist-high levels of snow. Yet.

- Going maybe a day and a half without make-up and hair product is nice. Freeing in a way. But after that, I need to feel pretty. The kind of pretty that only high end (read: overpriced) cosmetics can bring.

- I will never, ever, EVER buy cork topped wine!

So to all my friends who follow this blog, I say - hang in there, nothing last forever. Not even 3 thousand feet of White Death. Oh, and txt me! ;-)